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"Last Stall on the Left"

  • (Finding out he's the new Ninja.) "Oh, my... SWEE-EE-T!"
  • "'Believe in the weapon that is in the suit.'? Okay, what's in the suit? I'm... in the suit. I'm the weapon! I just have to believe in me!"
  • "Hello, students! 'T is I, THE NINJA!"
  • "Remember to tip those lunch ladies!"
  • "Come on, baby, drop some secret ninja knowledge on me."
  • "I believe in me; I believe in me; I believe in me kicking your butt!"
  • "I wouldn't say I'm 'getting pwned'..."
  • "Aw man, I am getting pwned!"
  • "Who's gettin' pwned now?!"
  • "I don't know how it works, but the ninja suit is the straight-up cheese."
  • "Now as the Ninja I must be prepared at any time to do this (punches air), and this (kicks air), and how could I forget this? (kicks air)"
  • "Ninja block, ninja block, ninja block, ninja block, aaannnd ninja block!"
  • "No, Howard, this stinks. Smoke bomb!" (throwing down smoke bomb)
  • "I think he has to wait for, like, a monster or robot to attack..."
  • "I mean, it's not like he can just smoke-bomb on by for a 'meet-'n'-greet'... or can he?"
  • "I NEED – TO USE – THE BATHROOM!"
  • " I have to tell Howard!" (looking back at the box and seeing a slip of paper in it saying he can't tell anyone) "Ohhhh, that's wonk!"

"Got Stank"

  • (To Howard) "Hey, why don't you come up with the plan for once?" (laughing)
  • "Yeah, now we're just two freshmen kickin' it in speedos. Nothin' embarrassing about that."
  • "I HAVE TO DE-STANK 'EM, BRO!"
  • "Gotta de-stank this geek!"
  • "So here's a question Bucky. What's going on here... L-like in this area..?"
  • "I do not feel right about beating up a band geek!"

"So U Think U Can Stank"

  • (To Heidi, who has called him 'Andy') "Randy, name's Randy. Known you my whole life."
  • "Schweet! They know both our names! Plan worked! Ten out of ten!"
  • "And I can't get enough of it!"

"McFists of Fury"

  • "McFist is so Bruce! He's the cheese! His name should be Bruce McCheese! He is my hero!"
  • "Monica was hot, but that's ridiculous." (Robo-Ninja punches him.) "Aw, come on! That was a great line!"
  • "But you can't be the bad guy! You're Hannibal McFist! You manufacture awesome!"
  • "What better mask for a villain... than the most beloved man in town?!"
  • (To Howard about History) "Then why am I getting a D in it?"
  • (walking into a building) "Building! That's a building!"
  • "Ninja Nomicon! I'll be behind that tree."
  • "'Beware the enemy who wears a hero's mask.' That Robo-Ninja is no hero! Don't worry! I'm on it!"

"Gossip Boy"

  • "Every once in a while my ninja-ing takes me to a wicked gross place I call the 'Shnasty Zone.'"
  • "Ninja sprint!"
  • "Ninja stop, ninja stop, ninja stop.....!"
  • "Aw, shnasty!"

"The Tale of the Golden Doctor's Note"

  • "Awesome! At! Riddles! Me!
  • "Aw, we've just been Greened!"
  • "The Nomicon!" (Howard: "That's your math book.") "I meant the Nomicon!" (whipping out the Nomicon)
  • "YOU HAVE TINY HANDS, ALL RIGHT!?!?"
  • "Probably shouldn't have left Julian behind."
  • "Sweet Ninja, that hurt!"

"House of 1,000 Boogers"

  • "McSquiddles! 'LICK THE LIGHTING!'"
  • "I'll be in the Nomicon!"
  • "Ninja surf!"
  • "He only ate a booger; there's no way that can come back to haunt me!"
  • "The greatest party in the history in high school and we're not invited. This burns man, this burns deep."
  • "Howard, I can't just Ninja out because we wanna go to Bash's party. Now if Bash's stepdad was my archnemesis or... Oh, my Ninja!"
  • "'A ninja must master the art of stealth.' Yes, okay, yes! Reveal, conceal. Conceal, reveal. Camouflage? Oh, that is so BRUCE!"

"Attack of the Killer Potatoes"

  • "Potato coming to life, not a big deal..."
  • "Okay, now that's a big deal!"
  • "BOOM, gravity! SCIENCE! Or is it a law?"
  • "You know, Howard, we've learned a valuable lesson from this..." (laughing)
  • "Brown Noser!" (referring to Bucky)

"Dawn of the Driscoll"

  • "Ninja bone dodge!"
  • "Ninja rotating table kick!"
  • "Where did your husband take..." (pausing) "...that boy whose name I do not know."
  • "Ninja lead!"
  • "Viceroy, just need to talk..."
  • "Jerry – Driscoll – Is – ALIVE!"
  • "And you married that wacko?"
  • "Not if I have anything to say about it– h'oh, boy. Not if Viceroy has anything to say about it. A lot of science in here..."
  • "How do you like me now, homie?"
  • "Ugh, heads UP!"
  • "How does the bowtie stay on? That makes no sense!"
  • "So Booce! Did you get it? Booce."
  • "My hands! I can't control them! Nothing is safe! Nothing is safe!"

"Night of the Living McFizzles"

  • "Theresa, you scared the juice out of– Howard, just Howard, and I'm very brave."
  • "You're holding my hand. I mean, yo that's cool baby. Howard, you want to get in on this?"
  • "Go for it some of us are scaredy babies and some of us are me."
  • "Mind? By all means."
  • "I'm not scared!"
  • "G-G-Ghost! That's a honkin' ghost!"
  • "You guys get out of here."
  • "Okay, I can handle this. Or should I say the Ninja... Mask is with Howard!"
  • "Really? We're still doing that? Just give me the mask."
  • "Please, Debbie Kang, we're guys. Guys don't get scared."
  • "I would be delighted. They don't call me Hardcore Cunningham for nothing."
  • "I'm not a scaredy baby! If anyone's a scaredy baby, it's gotta be you!"

"Monster Dump"

  • "Aw, that means so much to ... that boy I never heard of."
  • "You're all kinds of schnasty!" (holding Nicholas)
  • "Um, you could take a vacation from helping my archenemy try to kill me!"
  • "If it was easy it wouldn't be awesome! We just have to find a way to get up there."
  • "Hey, where are the victory nachos?"
  • "Those 'chos were for both of us!"

"Viva El Nomicon"

  • "Ninja flash back!"
  • "Ninja time chop!"
  • "You're giving us an F?!"
  • "An F?!"
  • "Hey, look! It's that guy!"
  • "Mexican Death Bear?!"
  • "It's too fast, it's too strong..."
  • "Hork up the band geek!"
  • "I am in the ZONE."
  • (The Nomicon falls on his head) "GAH!" (falling in pain) "NOMICON! THAT'S A NOMICON!"

"30 Seconds to Math"

  • (To the crowd) "I'm the Ninja! ...Why did I say that?"
  • "What has five nipples and is going to win the Battle of the Bands? These guys!"
  • (To Howard) "Howard!? Why are you putting cupcakes in my ears?!"

"Monster Drill"

  • (Laughing) "Free the chicken? What am I supposed to do with that?"
  • "Clouds, wind, chicken! Chicken!"
  • (Reacting to Howard's insult towards his Ninja scarf) "Hey! The scarf is a serious Ninja tool! Plus, it's cool! IT'S COOL!"

"Silent Punch, Deadly Punch"

  • "WINTER BREAK!"

"Stank'd to the Future"

  • "Let's skip the 'roar play' and get right to the fun stuff!"
  • "NO! That is all kinds of gross! Smoke-bomb!"
  • "BOOM! Knot not tied, tied."

"Wave Slayers"

  • "Howard, sometimes you have to say, 'What the juice?' ... WHAT THE JUICE?!"
  • "Ah...Oh...Oh...What? Ah no. That's enough for today." (Frantic) "Howard, wait up! Everything is fine here! Nothing is broken!"

"Sword Quest"

  • "Howard, I'm NOT gonna fight with a balloon."
  • "I get what you were saying all this time! THIS balloon is my sword! And I'M GONNA NINJA WITH IT!"
  • (Inside a cactus field) "This isn't that bad... I was WRONG! There are so many! So many pointy things! All of them hurt all over my body! Gah, my balloon! My ballon is all I care about! Howard, do NOT push me! Howard! Oh, now I'm gonna push you– I missed, I missed and my face is touching it!"
  • "New new rule, I'm not letting go this balloon. No matter what."

"Nukid on the Block"

  • "Say hello to my Ninja eye-poke!"
  • "Those are ridiculous...ly awesome!"
  • "The Class-Fecta isn't a real thing."
  • (To Howard) "I am the Ninja; I like being the Ninja; it's my duty. But I wouldn't expect you to understand what it means to have a duty."
  • (About Franz) "'The most dangerous enemy often wears the mask of an ally.' Ugh, you're the enemy the Nomicon was warning me about!"
  • "Well, I guess you have to know the difference between your Franz and your enemies."
  • "Howard, I acted like a total shoob. I thought my only duty was being the Ninja, but I was wrong. I have two duties, a ninja duty and a best friend duty. ... No, you can laugh: I said 'duty' a lot of times."

"Weinerman Up"

  • "Howard, bad sportsmanship does not look good on you."
  • "That was so bruce! I give myself 1,000 Ninja points!"
  • "'A Ninja must know when winning is losing and losing is winning.' If I want the robot to lose, I have to let Howard win! All right, Howard, you want the high score: come and get it."

"Evil Spirit Week"

  • "Photo! Bomb! Us! Now!"
  • "I might have accidentally released an ancient bird thing which possessed you."
  • "This is the Bruce-est thing in the history of BRUCE!"

"Der Monster Klub"

  • "Eh... It-it's just a game, right?"

"Grave Puncher: The Movie!"

  • (in high-pitched voice) "Over there! Look! Over! There!"
  • "Clouds, wind, chicken, NINJA AIR FIST! ... Okay, that air fist should've worked."
  • "'Deceit often comes at a price.' We caused the mess, we gotta pay the price. I have to destroy the projector!"

"Escape from Detention Island"

  • "You've done epic damage here. Like, more than usual. I think it's safer if I took this one."
  • "Howard doesn't mean that. I mean he's saying it but he doesn't mean it."
  • "Oh, it's a dragon!"
  • "The three main rocks on this island are 'NINJA RING!' 'NINJA RING!' AND 'NINJA RING!'"
  • "Something bad is about to happen."
  • "Everyone! Escape through my crack!"
  • "Relax, he's only a hologram."
  • "No, no, he's a robot. He is all robot."
  • "Eat lava!"
  • "Why don't you take this one, Big H?"
  • "See ya in detention."

"Bash Johnson: 11th Grade Ninja"

  • "Gravy fries, prepare to be in my mouth! * "gasp* " Who?! What?! When?! Where?! Why?! HOWWWWWWW?!"
  • (Howard, having just eaten Randy's gravy fries: "In my defense, gravy fries.") "And I counter with... HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR BEST FRIEND?!"
  • "Wait, you guys actually believe that Bash is the Ninja? Baaasssh? Bash!"
  • "I knew it! Revealing your identity is dangerous! That's exactly why I didn't do it!" (pausing) "Okay, okay, I was gonna do it, but I didn't, so let's move on."

"Ninja Camp"

  • "Mac Antfee, prepare to get your butt whooped by a nicewad."
  • "What am I supposed to learn from that PSYCHO?! If that's the kind of ninja I'm supposed to be, then you got the wrong freshman!"
  • "I'm not the wrong guy to be the ninja, right?"
  • "Really, Nomicon, this is the past ninja you wanted me to learn from?"
  • "It's the 'Pagoda of Knowledge,' and it's stupid! This whole place is stupid! How could you make the squad and I didn't? I'm the NINJA!"
  • "Oh, hey, Mac, thought I'd stop by. See how the whole 'splosions' goin'."
  • "No – Honkin' – Way!"
  • "Fine, just one thing, SMOKE-BOMB!"
  • "Ugh, Ninja Camp." (sarcastic) "Great idea, Howard; you know, we should go again next year."

"Enter the Nomicon"

  • "Ain't no shame losing to the class of IN YOUR FACE!"
  • "I'm gonna wipe his butt- MIND-wipe his butt is what I meant!"
  • "In the Nomicon, anything is possible..."
  • (To Howard, about Mac Antfee) "HE THREW YOU OUT OF A PAGODA!"
  • (To Howard) "You took that from my wallet while I was shloomped down, didn't you?"

"Sorcerer in Love"

  • "Howard – we have to get dates!" (After a short pause, Randy and Howard burst into laughter.)
  • "That's exactly the kind of cheesy line you'll never hear if you go out with me!"
  • "Someone's gonna find the most beautiful thing in school. It's only a matter of time!"
  • "Cute, NinjaNomicon. I mean, not helpful, but cute."
  • "The Carp's Eye! Above its nose and no ears! It's the most beautiful thing in school!"
  • "We found it, Howard!"
  • "It's so not repulsive."
  • "Ninja Duck, Ninja Flip! Ninja Slide, Ninja Slide! Yeah, baby! (débris falls on his head) Ah, come on!"
  • "Okay, guys, I know Amanda's hot. Super hot, but she's not..." (gets blasted by the Sorceress)
  • "Trust me, I don't want her."
  • "The nose did not need to know that."
  • "Wanna go to my house and get our Grave Punch on?"

"Sorcerer in Love 2: The Sorceress's Revenge"

  • "Just one thing: you're not a hero."
  • "Because you jump in the last second and ganked your Biffer's cheese, Howard-style"
  • "You didn't save the day; you saved the second. That medal should say, 'Randy does all the work, while Howard jumps in at the last second and ganks his cheese!'
  • "Hey, what's this, some kind of line?"
  • (Whispering to Theresa) "Not a hero."
  • "This calls for a hero."
    • Howard: "I'm on it!"
    • Randy: "I mean the Ninja, not you,' Baby Buckaroo'!"
  • "It's Ninja Ti–" (Having his hand grabbed by Theresa) "THERESA! You're holding my hand! That's quite a grip you got there."
  • "Theresa, I don't suppose you have your twirling sticks on you?"
    • Theresa: "Am I gonna get this back?"
    • Randy: "No."
  • "Hey, demon dogs!" (throwing Theresa's twirling stick) "Fetch!"
  • "Yes, yes! Now, quick everyone to the bathroom!"
  • "He's ganking my cheese again!"
  • "Stop ganking my cheese!"
  • "Theresa (scared): "What do we do now?"
    • Randy (to Howard): "Yeah, hero, what do we do now?"
  • "I have no faith in you."
  • "Theresa, I think you'd be safer with Howard. He's the (facepalms) real hero."
    • Theresa (sadly) "Really?"
    • Randy: "I'm afraid so, but I'll be right behind you."
  • (seeing the portal to the Land of Shadows) "Hachi-Machi! What the juice is that?!"
  • (To the Sorceress) "Not gonna happen; they're long gone by now."
  • (To Howard) "You saved me."
  • (To Howard, laughing) "Trust me; I wasn't that into it either."
  • (To Howard) "I was wrong. You're a total hero,"
  • (To Howard) "Of course I'm a hero too, I mean I did banish the Sorceress back to the Land of Shadows."
  • (To Bash) "No, Bash..." (raising Howard's hand) "...this hero will show you the way."

"Shloomp! There It Is!"

  • "Pretty bad but, it's worth it. If it makes me a better Ninja."
  • "When? Name one time."
  • "Better shloomp on it."
  • "Besides when you go full-Nomicon, you go full-Nomicon, that's why it's called full-Nomicon."
  • (to Nomicon) Oh, I ask myself, gotcha. (to NomiRandy) Okay me, I'm leaving Richunkulous but honestly– (gets slapped by NomiRandy)"
  • "Pardon me, me, but, what the juice?!"
  • "What am I doing to me?!"
  • "Yo, who cares what the book says?"
  • "I'm goin' Barely-Chunk." (eating Barely-Chunk straight from the machine)
  • "Hey, looking good, girl! What's up, P Slimz?" (opens his locker, looks at his reflection and winks) How you doin'?"
  • "Uh-oh, this is gonna hurt."
  • "Yeah, you sure about that?" (kicking the boombox, beginning a dance starting with a spin and ending with a wave-motion that leaves him pointing at Bash)
  • "Yo sup Weiner-Babe, girl how 'bout you and I get together and turn…" (pointing Heidi's nose) "…your 'me-cast' into a 'we-cast,' uh-huh?"
  • "Why aren't I stopping her, oh, right that's not me, I'm me and I'm tied to a chair !"
  • "I don't get it – I went full-Nomicon! Why aren't you telling me what to do? JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
  • "Howard you freed me, what are you doing in the Nomicon?"
  • "I call him 'NomiRandy' and he's bad news!"
  • "I don't know. Nomicon won't tell me what to do. It just keeps saying that." (Showing Howard the Nomicon's lesson: "A Ninja without balance will fall.")
  • "I need to go half-Nomicon! Boom-bam-boom! Balance!"
  • "No honkin' way! I like it here."
  • (Mocking) "I'm Randy Cunningham; I never give up."
  • "And I will, with my ninja bouquet. Theresa, these are, umm... so, there's this guy, Randy Cunningham, I think that's his name, and he, and there, there was, umm... and he's sorry. Here.” (putting the bouquet on the ground)
  • "It's Randy, Randy! I just met the guy, I know it's Randy." (asking Jed and Scott) "Am I wrong about this?" (Jed and Scott shrug their shoulders) "Sheesh, smoke-bomb!"
  • "Let's just call it a swirl."

"Randy Cunningham: 13th Century Ninja"

  • "We went back in time!"
  • "Okay, I admit, this looks bad, but we can't give up!"
  • "C'mon, you stopped this guy once!"
  • "From where I came from, you did!"
  • "We're Ninjas, we never quit! I can't believe he just quit! He's the First Ninja, he's a legend! (sighs) Fine! If you won't help then– "(interrupted by Howard)
  • "I'm not gonna say that!"
  • "No, 'cause you just did!"
  • "Yoohoo, Mr. Sorcerer!"
  • "I was not ready! (entering Ninja Rage) NOW I'm ready!"
  • "Ow, my guts! He hit me in my guts!"
  • "Hey, First Ninja! You're back! NINJAS NEVER SAY QUIT!"
  • "I don't know what the cheese’s going on, but it ends now!" (jumping to the monsters)

"Flume-Igation"

  • "Ninja tiny exploding balls! ... Probably should call that 'Ninja giant tiny exploding balls.'"
  • "But, hey! if we're all taking the Shame-scalator, there's no shame, right? Just plain ol' shameless movin' stairs."
  • "Ninja Bait-'n'-switch! Ohhhh, I did not think this throooooooough!"
  • "Yeah, but we didn't have to take the Shame-scalator. Well, we had to take it, but everyone had to take it. No shame in that! Just a regular old 'scalator."

"Welcome Back Catfish"

  • "I aren't not telling you anything, but I also aren't not telling you everything."
  • (To the Nomicon) "Hey, coupla questions: Why is Booray back? Why didn't he recognize me? Why did his eyes glow green? And what exactly are the qualifications FOR BEING A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER?"
  • "Hey, spearchucker! Come and get me."
  • (To the Creep, who is driving a schoolbus) "Push it! ... The gas, I mean, with your foot... I guess 'Step on it!' is what I'm trying to say..."
  • (To Howard) "Fine. Sometimes, in the right light, your sister is pretty spicy."

"All the Juice That's Fish to Swim"

  • "These new Soupsicles are The Cheese – except for the meat ones: those are The Meat!"
  • (To MacFist, accusingly) "You sold this stuff in schools!"
  • "Ninja running water sound effect balls!"
  • "'Pee-pee dance?' How old are you?"

"Living in Shooblivion"

  • "All right, clock, time to clean your clock. Get it? C'mon, that deserves a hand. Ohhh, I did it again – Hand? Clock?"

Other Quotes

  • "What the juice?!"
  • "So honkin' cool!"
  • "So bruce!"
  • "Smoke-bomb!"
  • "Oh, my Ninja!"
  • "Let's do this!"
  • "Ah, that's wonk!"
  • "Ninja flip!"
  • "NINJA RINGS!"
  • "NINJA AIR FIST !"
  • " Ninja sprint!"
  • " It's Ninja'O clock!"